Courtesy of PAAO (http://www.paawareness.com)
My Story :
For years I told my friends that my mother was dead, but Of course she was very much alive.
Convinced by what my father and his wife had told me I was estrange from her."Your mother's illness
makes her crazy and if you're not careful you'll grow up just like her". I was 11 years old.My
mother never gave up and for years she sent cards, letter and even gifts. After my father gave us
over to foster care his control over me diminished and I wanted to reach out to my mother.I finally
called her and it felt as though a short time had passed since we spoken. Although the call was
short meany would follow. Our last conversation before she died was in August of 1998 and ended
as the first one began, "I love you".
Never let go, they need you.
My Story : I guess my story started about 12 years ago when my parents first
seperated. I was 11 years old and my dad moved out for the first time I remember resenting my dad
somewhat because he was leaving and I felt like he had problems and needed to be away from us. I
remember wanting my parents to get a divorce so that the fighting would stop. Through the first
years my mom took me to counslers, many different counslers and she would often participate in the
sessions, my dad was never allowed to participate in the sessions, even though his health insurance
paid for it.
I started to resent my mom because I was not allowed to have my own person to talk to, all the counslers were very open
about my sessions with my mom even when she was not there. during the next 4 years I stopped eating, I was diagnosed
with anorexia and only stopped because my mom was so sad and I wanted her to be happy. I guess thats when it started,
everytime I would spend time with my dad, my mom would say somthing to make me feel guilty for spending time with him.
Also right before I left she would tell me somthing else about the divorce like someone he alledgedly cheated on her
with or a lie he told. So the whole time I was with my dad I would wonder "is he lying about this, what else did he do
to my mom" I began to resent him even more, added to this my counslers began telling me that my dad was a bad person
and the depression and anxiety I was feeling was a result of my realization that my father was not a good man, or
someone I should spend time with.
I began to see my dad less and less, and unknown to me at the time my mom began writing "annonymous" letters to my dads
co-workers also disclosing to them things he had done and how she felt he was a danger to children and women. As I
began to recover from anorexia I began to suffer from extreme panic attacks, I refused to leave the house for fear of
one, and was in desperate need of medication, however i was only 16 so I could not get it on my own. Looking back on it
now this is what saved my relationship with my father. I rarely saw my father because my mothers letters to his
coworkers had forced him to move 2 hours away and my mom said that he was causing my panic attacks, and that I could not
get medication for them because they were my dads fault and all in my head and if I took medication for the easy way
out I was allowing him to have the easy way out of his responsibility. In other words if I stopped having panic attacks
he would not longer feel guilty about what he had done.
However after 6 years of hearing negative things about my dad I began to get over my anger and realize that my mom was
brainwashing me. I knew my panic attacks were not my dads fault and all I wanted was some relief. I began failing my
classes at school adn losing my friends because I refused to leave the house, but my mom still refused to sign for my
medication. It was terrible I wasn't seeing my dad I wasn't leaving the house I was depressed I didn't even care what
my dad did anymore I just wanted a parent who could help me.
I got the medication when i turned 18 and became a completely different person, I moved 3000 miles away for school and
made new friends and felt wonderful, however I still had a strained relationship with my dad. I began working hard to
]spend time with my dad and his side of the family however every time I would visit them or my dad would visit me I
would be harassed with phone calls from my mother yelling at me for betraying her and taking sides and talking about
her behind her back. Fortunately my relationship with my dad is much improved now, however I am still constantly
attacked by my mother, I have had to live with her for the past year because of finnacial reasons, and I am moving out
in 5 months but even now 12 years later I am forced to deal with her hatred towards my father, to the point where my
mother has said she will not attend my wedding if my father is there.
Its one of the most upseting things in my life,
and constantly sends me back into depression when I have to deal with it. It has gottent to the point where my mothers
alienation of my father has had the opposite effect, I don't want to be around my mom or her anger anymore and should I
get married or have kids one day I don't want that anger around them. It is my own decission about my relationship
with my father and whether or not I want one, no one should be forced to choose one parent over the other, it not only
hurts the other parent it hurts the child or children involved, more than anyone would know.
